Where has the time gone?!?!?

In starting a new blog tonight for my new business, Thirty One by Amanda, I realized I had totally neglected this one! Shame on me! Life has been chaotic, to say in the least.  With summer comes family time, vacations, friends, and varied other activities.  Throw in the making of a home based business and you can imagine that I have very little time to sit and write.  As a matter of fact, I'm doing so from work!  All in the day of the life of me..
Speaking of my new business, I'm loving it.  I have set some pretty high, although not unrealistic goals for myself.  Within the next five years, I hope to be a full time Thirty One consultant and only be self employed.  I know it's attainable, I just have to put forth the effort and time it requires. I am fully committed and believe that this could be the answer to many a prayers!!
As far as my weight loss journey.. UGH... .I've strayed so far from my goals that it frustrates me.  But again, I'm jumping on the bandwagon and going to begin being more physically involved in myself and really start watching what I put in my mouth!!

30 things before 30

So I came across this list on Pinterest...  Let's see how many I can check off...

By 30, you should have ...
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. CHECK to both
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
CHECK
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
Ummmm, wasn't so prepared for this one.. 
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
CHECK,CHECK,CHECK!!
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
YUP
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
Prolly more juicy than I would have preferred!! 
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it.
Maybe???
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you.
YOU KNOW IT!
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
Why pad??? They can check up on those things ya know!?!?
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
Most certainly!
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
Yup
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
Not at this point in my life I didn't!
13. The belief that you deserve it.
HELL YES
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
Nope... Wish I would have!! 
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.
Solid start on my career came in 2008 when I was 29.. Satisfying relationship came just before 30!!
By 30, you should know ...
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
I learned this the year I turned 30!
2. How you feel about having kids.
I already had one, and knew I wanted another.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
I wasn't so good at confronting friends... Just let em walk all over me at that point in my life... 
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
I perfected these actions long before 30.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
I got two letters for this, and only one other person will get it... FW
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.
Great Grandmothers, yes... The rest, not a clue.. 
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
I did so the year I turned 30... 
8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing.
I have a few places that do this..
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.
Got it down pat!
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
AMEN!
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
"I would do anything thing for love, but I won't do that!!"
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.
HAHA!!! YUP,YUP!
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
Life lessons learned all too hard!
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
I will NEVER do this again!!
15. Why they say life begins at 30
My life most CERTAINLY did!!! 

It's so hard to say goodbye...

If you know me at all, you know I have a passionate love affair with music.  Music is every bit of a therapy to me as a licensed psychologist may be to you.  The title of my blog brings a flood of emotions and memories to mind nearly instantly.  But today, this isn't about me.  Well, maybe it is in a way, but I'll get to that.
Today, a dear friend of ours lost his father, at the very young age of 58.  He battled a rare form of heart disease, and although gave a brave fight to the very end, his heart just couldn't sustain any longer.  Just a few days ago this brave man called his wife, siblings, and children all to his hospital room and advised them that he was at peace with his life and no longer afraid of leaving this earth.  What a brave, noble, and heartfelt statement to make to your loved ones.  I have no idea what my friend is feeling at this moment.  I can only imagine the heartache, anger, regrets, etc that may or may not be flooding his mind.  But I do know that my friend loved his father dearly.  And although it may not have been easy, he was an amazing support system to his father in his final moments of life. 
Alas, all of this makes me think... 
I know that my father is aging.  I know that his health isn't as what it once was.  He doesn't monitor his diet or blood sugar as he should.  He isn't as active as he should be.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring and I have no clue how long my father will be with us.  I need to make more time for him.  I should visit more often.  I need to stop letting life get in my way, and just make more of an effort.  It's so hard to say goodbye, and I don't want to have to do it with regrets of not saying today what I should have...

Bumps

It's been a stressful week.  Things have been trying at home, a teenager with a nasty attitude and a sick baby make for difficult and long days.  I haven't spent nearly enough time with my husband.  I have neglected my friends.  I have neglected my blog.  Most of all, I've been preoccupied worrying about someone else, instead of myself.. 

 

Let me give a little background, without giving too much personal information.
I have a dear friend, well, I guess someone I thought was a dear friend, who last fall separated from her husband.  Through the course of our brief, yet endearing friendship, she confided in my that her husband had been physically and mentally abusive as well as controlling for their entire 18 year relationship.  In the beginning stages she thought it cute that he would know her ever step, every location, etc.  But as their relationship progressed and into their marriage she realized it was unhealthy and wrong on many levels.  They have three beautiful children, whom I fear have seem more than their young eyes ever should have.  Long story short, about a week ago, they reconciled.  Now, let me explain myself and why I had such a negative response to this.  I didn't abandon my friend, she did that on her own.  I will always be here for her, and I will never let her down.  BUT, that being said, I did something I rarely ever do, I deleted her from Facebook and have totally stopped talking to her all together.  Why you ask??  Because I couldn't handle the non-stop posts of how perfect her life is and how "x" & "x" will be together forever.  I just don't understand  how less than a week prior to reconciling she could be pouring her heart and soul out and confessing all of the issues with her marriage and her husband, just to take him back as if nothing ever happened.  Yes, I'm aware that abuse is very hard to escape and it's sometimes even harder to leave your abuser behind for good, I've been there, done that.  But she was so close.. I will never understand and maybe I'm not meant to.  Perhaps  her allegations were false, exaggerated, or maybe they were true.  I will never know, all I know is I fear for her safety and the safety of her utterly helpless children.  That is the reason I let go.  I couldn't allow myself to worry about her and neglect myself and my family.  I just couldn't.  Selfish, yes.  Irresponsible of me, I like to think not.  Moving on has been simple, it's what I left behind that hurts... 

My weight loss journey has also been difficult.. I stepped on the scale yesterday, only to find it seemed to be going in the wrong direction.  I'm not sure why, because I've stuck 100% to protocol and I've been doing everything I should.  The only thing I can attribute this to is stress..  But I'm working on that, and trying my hardest to remain committed to this program.  It works, my previous weeks are proof enough of that.  It's just disappointing to see so little results after all the time, effort, and money I put into this.  I guess Wednesday's weigh in will be my final judge and I can only hope that between now and then there will be even a single pound lost instead of gained.  I wish it were easier for me to see results within myself, like the ones my husband says he can visibly see.  I know there are self image issues within me, maybe it's time to tackle those as well. 

Still Going Strong

So, I'm nearly 14 days in, and feeling pretty good.  I can see a change in my body shape, mostly my belly.. Which is a great feeling, but I'm starting to grow bored of the meals I'm making.  So, I've been researching the threads on 3fatchicks.com for variations and variety.  Thus far, my results have been so so.. I made sliders with portabella mushrooms used as buns, those were FANTASTIC.  I made seafood patties, but they weren't so hot.. They tasted yummy but there was nothing to hold them together and they seemed pretty wet before crisping them in OO..  I also gave zucchini chips a whirl.. I have no idea what I did wrong with those, but they were either too soggy or burnt to a crisp.. Needless to say I was more than disappointed as I'm craving something crunchy and this didn't cure that need as I'd hoped.  I've read a lot of marvelous reviews on cauliflower popcorn, perhaps I'll give them a whirl. 
No matter what, I know I can stick to this, even if I have to live with a boaring variety of meal choices. 

And we're off

Last Wednesday, February 15th, I finally jumped back on the weight loss wagon.. I've gotta admit, it's been difficult, but I did manage to stay 100% on protocol and experience and amazing week of weight loss, 10.5 pounds gone forever!! I've come to the conclusion, all obstacles are in my mind, and I have the power to squish them at will.  I just hope my goals can be met and I will be able to feel a sense of pride within myself!

I'm on my way

So I talked before about my weight loss goals and the fact that I knew I needed a change.  Wednesday, February 15, I began that change.  I have committed myself to the Ideal Protein weight loss program, again.  It's a rigid and difficult  program, but with a little concentration and effort, I know that I can be successful.  I was able to take a photo of my scale weight.. Wasn't please with it at all.  But then again, this is all about changing the number I saw.  I have yet to get the body image photo, that will have to be done with the assistance of my hubby, whom I have seen very little of lately..
Wish me luck on this journey.. Lord knows I'll need it!!